And for awhile, it was true. Then I decided "I'm gonna be clean" and it didn't matter any more. Lately...I've been wanting them both again. Especially today. And I don't know why. It's been like a month since I've touched a pill and I think longer since I've touched a line (since I've only done it a few times anyway), but for some reason, I really want one (or both) a shitton right now.
It's pretty fuckin' crazy. I mean, I dunno... I was with my boyfriend from this past Thurs-Sun (4/24-27/2008) and we were smokin and drinkin and the whole like...month before, the plan was I was gonna have some kinda upper, cause it was my birthday and a special occassion and yeah, I'm cool with pot, but uppers are my thing. Well, it turned out I never got any uppers. I think that's part of it. But eh...
I just really fuckin' want some ex. Or coke. But it's so expensive for such a short high and plus my boy will never accept me doing that shit... So Ex would really probably be better... ugh. I dunno. I'd feel bad for doing it when I told my best friend I wouldn't any more, but she doesn't have to know. But the only time I could do it is when I'm with my boyfriend cause any other people I could possibly get fucked up with either (a) don't do ex (b) don't know how to roll (c) all think I'm never touching it again anyway...
So yeah. I dunno. Next time I see him, I think I'm gonna give this one kid a call, see if he can meet me and get me a few tabs. Only problem is, I think he's from Ft. Worth and I know he goes to this one club in Dallas every week, but dude, I hate driving in downtown Dallas where the clubs are. It's confusing as fuck. And my boy doesn't have his license at the moment and cops are too hot over there for him to risk driving. So hopefully this Tyler kid can meet me somewhere or somethin, dude.
Otherwise, Richard needs to start makin some calls to the people he says could probably get me some cause dude I want it so damn bad. I'd love it if he'd roll with me, but he won't. He used to do that shit all the time and he says he's left that part of his life behind. Psh.
Plus, if I had some ex when I was with him, it wouldn't make me feel as "blah" cause I know he's smokin' a fuckin upper with Chris. I guess it's like...I wanna be on his level, sorta thing. I mean, I wouldn't be on his level cause he's smokin meth and I'm takin ex, but it'd be close cause the tabs are prob cut with speed so yeah.. but whatever. I don't wanna be doin downers when he's doin uppers, it's shitty.
Although that meth shit is gonna have to stop IMMEDIATELY if he ends up findin out he's got diabetes. I really DO NOT want my boyfriend in a mother fucking coma. -_-
Ugh. Whatever. I've drawn on and been word-jonesing on here for some fucking upper drugs enough. I'm out. Duces!
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